Since I decided to use this Substack, I have been logging pieces of content that felt worth sharing alongside this newsletter’s first bits of collage. Enjoy the art and the thoughts with which I’ve decided to associate them!
This piece by Alena Smith titled “A Previvor’s Tale” details Smith’s journey of learning she had a BRCA1 hereditary gene mutation, upping her chances of getting breast or ovarian cancer to 80% and 60%, respectively. She tenderly speaks of her painful health journey, her family life, and her professional success writing the Apple TV+ show, Dickinson (my apologies, Alena, as I have not watched…but I’m tempted to after reading this!). The opening thoughts deserve a call out:
A storyteller wants to know the future. That’s our job, after all: to map out the plot. We must keep a bird’s-eye view of the whole saga in mind — beginning, middle and end — while we make our way through each individual moment.
This narrator’s drive to predict the future has always been so compulsive in me that it’s manifested in daily actions ranging from the practical (to-do lists, calendars) to the goofy (astrology, tarot). What happens next, I ask the cards, yearning for certainty, for control over my own story.
Smith’s ability to articulate how she views her own life is an apt way to think about the modern inner monologue. We have more access to TV and movies than ever, so why wouldn’t we see our lives in that context? I yearn to categorize my life into neat storylines that have clear delineations, but one thing I find myself coming back to is that I am perennially unable to define my own plot points, precisely because I do not know how it concludes. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not rushing to find out! Maybe thinking about our own stories as scripts helps us to feel that we have control over the conclusions, that we will get happy endings.
End-of-year lists are mostly for those who make them rather than those who read them, but I do admit that I love sharing a year’s end collection of music I enjoyed…so here you go!
I have lately found myself gravitating towards albums over playlists, but creating a playlist is a succinct way to share portals into albums as well as one-off bops from albums that may or may not hit evenly. Please note that “Renaissance” is not represented here out of respect for Beyonce and the way she and God intended for us to listen to it—as a united work of music!
One song I really want to talk about with too much detail is “Empty Head” by Frankie Cosmos. Some lyrics here:
Empty head
It's cool to have nothin' in it
It's okay not to sing a song
About everything
All the time
But if I did
I'd fill up all the server farms
I'd fill up all the iPhone clouds
I'd fill up all the hard drives
So, I should keep an empty head
Fill myself up with emptiness
And try to just take a breath
Sometimes
On top of being baseline *extremely relatable* for those who are prone to overthinking, this song is a beautiful example of form following function. Starting slow and calm, Greta Kline, lead singer of Frankie Cosmos, kicks it up into a frenetic, diaristic musing, and then she almost reminds herself that she was talking about *not talking* so the song develops into this instrumental outro that proves its own point in a lovely way. Also the lyric “I pick you like a coffee cup,” points to a level of care towards drinking vessels that makes this mug-obsessive feel seen!
A short list of albums that I spent dedicated time with in 2022 that I want to give special attention:
No Rules Sandy, Sylvan Esso — This album feels like the closest spiritual successor to their first self-titled album, somehow simultaneously calming and *fun* music to have on in almost any scenario. The closer, Coming Back To You, is a sentimental dagger in my heart. Find them on bandcamp
Dream Rooms, Kate Rhudy — Sweet and sad, this second album from Rhudy was the perfect music to ring in my 29th birthday. Thank you Kate :)
Find her on bandcampDawn FM, The Weeknd — Jim Carrey narrating, contemplations on death and the afterlife, premiuim *bops*, what more do you need? Give it a go.
Blue Rev, Alvvays — If you look at music criticism at all, this pick feels trendy but truly, this a quality album. “The whole ride riding in your condensation” is a wild and perfect lyric from my personal favorite track, Tile By Tile. Find them on bandcamp
Ram, Paul and Linda McCartney — Late to the party but, yeah, of course! I mean…Ram On? Yeesh.
Untitled (Rise), SAULT — If you have ever mentioned to me in even the briefest of passing comments that you enjoy hip hop and R&B, I have talked your ear off about SAULT. An anonymous collective of artists making music that evades clean genre definitions, Untitled (Rise) touches on faith, love, resistance, and justice in both lyrical and sonic ways that deserve appreciation. Find them on bandcamp
I began my year by watching “Little Women” (Greta!!!) and “When Harry Met Sally” (twice in one night, thank you Meg for giving me an excuse to do this without feeling insane), which means that this year I am: choosing joy, trying to be *great or nothing,* and continuing the search for those culotte shorts Sally wears while her and Harry are unrolling his HUGE new rug in his HUGE apartment.
As I could have predicted…the frequency with which I create collages will not be accurate to the title of this newsletter, but I trust you will think this to be in the spirit of the intent rather than a disappointment at the outset. Creating in this manner should be freeing, so I commit to creating collages regularly for the purposes of expression and curiosity, with the understanding that this will ebb and flow in terms of quantifiable output.
*Thank you* for reading this. Looking forward to what’s ahead !